Finding Joy (not the person)

My health problems have been going on for a little over 3 years now. While I have it mostly under control through diet and lifestyle changes, at times it flares up. This morning has been one of those times. Actually it started about a week ago and I should have seen it coming.

Most of these flares start with a change in my digestive tract. I get an upset stomach when eating foods that normally don't cause problems, followed by many other symptoms. This builds into a great crescendo at which point I find myself just fighting to get through it. After the worst has past, my body will start to recover pretty quickly.

I know this sounds bad, but it used to be a whole lot worse. I was living my life on the crest and everyday was consistently a fight just to get through it. Now these health struggles come in waves and each wave is getting further and further apart. It also seems a little bit more manageable and the recovery time is much shorter. I know when I hit the peak, it may be somewhere around 12-24 hours and I'm back to "normal."

I am also getting to where I can almost predict when my body will take off on these tantrums. This helps me prepare and attempt to stave off any of the symptoms I can. When I went to bed last night, I knew it was coming. It's actually why, I went to bed when I did. I was trying to grab myself some extra sleep. My body revolted a little bit and got me up at 2 this morning. So much for the extra sleep.

I'm learning to find the joy in these moments. Right now, I'm listening to it rain and trying to keep our dogs from waking up the Hubs. I'm feeling the cramping and pain but will stop and smile as my dogs try to interrupt me working on my computer. My computer is, in essence, an invitation for them. They see the computer come out and both (even the 50 lb one) want in my lap. It's annoying if I let it be or I can embrace it.

I'm learning to embrace these types of moment. Everything may not be all sun and rainbows, but after a storm this is promised. I also know that this moment was created for a reason. So I set out my computer and began to write. I may not finish this before I go back to bed, but I was interrupted and so I took the time to stop and enjoy the sound of the rain, love on my dogs and do something that I find joy doing.

Don't miss your moments that often come in the middle of our storms. These moments, in a way, speak to who you are and how strong you can be during them. If we search hard enough, we can see the good through the bad.

Hey, I'm not perfect. I screw this up a lot, but I've been practicing. I can tell you when I first woke up, I wasn't searching for joy. I was searching for coffee, then heat to soothe the cramping. I was thinking about how much this sucked, how much pain I was in, and wondering how long I would go without sleep. I grabbed my computer to try to get some work done and just finding myself completely annoyed at my dogs climbing all over me. It happened. Somewhere in the middle of all that the rain stopped me.

The rain picked up and I could hear it coming down hard on our house. Just a wave of water. I love the rain because of this. It cleans things. Clears away dirt. The sound is soothing. This was my starting point. I put my computer down and found I was smiling as I encouraged both the dogs to come up onto my lap and laughed (quietly because Hubs was sleeping...) as they seemed too excited to be finally getting the love and attention they had been begging for during these dark hours of the morning. That's when I found it... Joy!

You have a choice. I could have let the annoyances and pain of this morning rob me of this moment or I could take the time to embrace it. I am so glad I did. It is now going in the memory bank that I know I will revisit sometime in the future.

Sometimes, I give in to the situation and become sullen and depressed. That's okay too. I'm not saying don't feel them or ignore those emotions. I'm saying don't let them own you and/or every situation. It makes things easier to see the joy at times; and when you are looking in the eyes of a big wet dog, deciding if you are going to dodge his kiss, because you can see he's planning it - you may just find yourself smiling. You also might, if you look hard enough, find... joy.

Jess

#findingjoy #rainingmorning #dealingwithhealth #healthjourney