"Though you are a lowly worm..."

It is amazing to me that I have read the Bible from cover to cover and yet I find something new or different each time. Maybe it is my human attention span that causes this problem or maybe it is the evil one that does not want us to remember or hear. Maybe it is just that God saves certain parts of his message for us when we need it most. He knows our nature and knows that we have short attention spans. He also knows that when we are in the darkness we need only a spark and that spark will be ever so much more valuable.

This week I have struggled with doubt. Not doubt in the sense that God isn't God but doubt in his abilities. Well to be honest it's not even that. I know that our God is awesome and that he has the ability to do whatever he wants. He could give you all the money in the world if that's what he wants or he can take everything from you. Let me be clear that even when the bad things happen - I know that he provides. I have personally experienced this, but I also know that I had to go through that season to be this sure of that message.

What I mean when I say that I am struggling with doubt is more or less that I don't want God to teach me the hard way. I would rather have the easy way and I doubt that he will lead me to the easy way. Naturally, writing this down just points out to myself that I am worried about the wrong thing and hoping in the wrong thing. I am worried that he will allow the pain. Shouldn't be though, because My God is always there (there's like a million verses on this). Secondly, I am assuming I know the easy way - correction the perfect way.

The reality is that God knows more than me and there are so many verses that talk about when in the darkness, when dealing with trials, when in pain... You should rejoice. But what if we don't want the pain? That's okay. Jesus didn't want it either when awaiting his fate on the cross. Matthew 26:39 - "He went on a little farther and bowed with his face in the ground, praying, 'My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. yet I want your will to be done, not mine.'"

Now, I'm no scholar but I do know that Jesus never did anything without passion and I can only imagine how passionately he prayed that pray in the garden. It's probably very similar to how we have prayed for pain to go away, healing to come, or our hearts to stop aching. Since we were made in his image - we probably only scratch the surface at the level of passion he prayed that prayer. There is some comfort in knowing that Jesus has felt our same pain though...

This morning, as I turned to his word for comfort and guidance. I read Isaiah 41. You want a good kick in the pants about fear and doubt go hang out the Israelites in the desert in Isaiah. I got to Isaiah 41:14 and it reads - "Though you are a lowly worm, O Jacob, don't be afraid, people of Israel, for I will help you. I am the Lord, your Redeemer. I am the Holy One of Israel."

Again no scholar but hears what I heard reading this morning.... "You are a lowly worm... remember Jessica the worms you fished with at the lake? Catfish bait. You are fish bait. But I am still your God. I will still take care of you. I will still love you. You don't deserve it you fish bait, but I got you. No matter the difficulty - whether it is the 'easy way' or the 'hard way' - I got you. It's okay to doubt me letting you 'off the hook' because we both know I don't always work that way. But that is not what is important here. What is important here is that you just hang onto me and remember that you are fish bait and you are worth it. You are worth protecting, providing, and helping because you are my child and I got you. All my children are worth it. No matter the difficulty, no matter the pain, I love you and I will be with you."

Doubt is still beating on me and it's irrational - which just makes me feel crazy sometimes. Satan knows my weaknesses and he likes to dance on all of them. I am working on giving it to Him and remembering who He is to me. I remember the ways He helped me in the past and I will chose to trust in His help in the future. I pray the same for each and every one of you. I pray that you chose to trust in His way - no matter if it is the easy or the hard way. That you see who He is and rejoice Him because of it.

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Ps. - While writing this I chose to turn on my church service. The worship song "When I say Jesus" by Life.Church here are the lyrics that caught my attention.

When I say Jesus

The very mention

Shatters the darkness

And calms my soul

When I say Jesus

Even a whisper

Breaks through my doubting

‘Til all my fear is gone

When I say Jesus

When I say Jesus

You can hear the song here.